There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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