I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
