Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
