So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
