Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Just pee around me
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
