the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
