apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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