It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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