HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
My vagina is very pro this idea
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
