Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
i think i just naturally attract stoners
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
