Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
