My room smells like vodka and shame
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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