you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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