Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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