I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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