God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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