i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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