The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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