i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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