I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
