I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
