I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
