I think I won the penis lottery.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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