I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
