Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
he puts the penis in happiness.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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