What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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