I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
