Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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