We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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