i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
