my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
