It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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