Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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