My cat gives me a boner
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Randomize
