Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
