let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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