i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
