your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
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