He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
