you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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