I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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