I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
