yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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