I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Did you pee in the oven last night??
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize