Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
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