Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
