Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
