I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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