the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
