I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My cat gives me a boner
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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