Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he puts the penis in happiness.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
