rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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