I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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