none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
