i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
