just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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