The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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