Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Randomize
