All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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