Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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