they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
