I faked an abortion last night.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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