The brown eye won't let me do that either.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
