tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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