her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Randomize
