We named our party play list daddy issues
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
