idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I have fence marks all over my body
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
