Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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